Pass the Dutchie pon de left hand side.

So this has nothing to do with this post, but we had VBS this week and it was Noli's first VBS to attend and my first VBS to "teach".  Magnolia is the bossiest kid I've ever met and has decided that adding "that's what Jesus says" adds validity and finality to any of her multiple commands to Phoenix.  Ex: "Phoenix.  Jump off of that and onto this cushion and then get out of my way because that's what Jesus says." - all while speaking through a microphone.  So far, it's working for her.

------------ Ok.  Back to the subject at hand.

It's kind of hilarious how often people tell me that I need to just get out and see the city and all around us so that I don't miss my family as much and I can "really enjoy" my time out here.  I'd like to introduce you all to my son.  Phoenix Benjamin Anderson.  Nicknames: "The Animal" and "Ruckus".  He doesn't even allow us to go to dinner, much less a big road trip to a place that has historical/breakable/irreplaceable items.  He enriches our lives in so many ways.  I'm sure of it.  I'm just having a hard time thinking of any ways right now.  I'll work on it.

So, we have been itching to go somewhere, but after Magnolia stole baby Jesus in the manger from Colonial Williamsburg (true story) and Phoenix has tested the title "Family Friendly" in every restaurant in the Baltimore area, it's just not very appealing to go spend money being miserable and wishing we were at home.  Ya know?

Then Jordan comes home and says, "it's my birthday and I want to go somewhere".  I knew he really meant it because he has been witness to some of the worst public meltdowns in Anderson history.  We are not a theme park family because patience is not a virtue and waiting in lines with our kids is not an option.  We have diligently stuck to this ideal until we heard of a place called "Dutch Wonderland".

I mean come on.  Who can resist this?

Look how happy this family is!  This could be us!  It's not us, by the way.

And a castle?  With a moat?!? GET OUT.  GET OUT!

So.... we downloaded our coupons and loaded ourselves in the car.  Am I the only one who has kids that start begging for snacks and beverages the SECOND they get in the car?  I'm not talking just road trips.  We could be on the way to lunch.  It has honed my mom-turned-around-backwards-while-driving-and-looking-forward-while-digging-through-the-diaper bag-and-trying-to-not-be-super-annoyed skills.

We finally arrived and the weather couldn't have been more perfect.  The kids are super excited, Jordan and I were...umm...also in attendance.  We start walking around confused and overwhelmed and Phoenix picks the first ride because it is a giant turtle and what 2 yr old can resist spinning turtles?  Weirdo 2 yr olds.  That's who.  I honestly thought one of the kids was gonna puke on the spinning ride but they loved it.  And I totally loved it too.  I guess I still have a tiny desire for adrenaline in my life.

Phoenix spent the greater part of the day frowning through  the super fun rides.  My favorite thing about this ride was how all of the obsessed helicopter parents clapped and cheered after the kids survived their ride.  Myself included.  Bigtime.

They called this ride "Wonder Whip".  They should change it to "Wonder Whiplash"

She was so exhausted that she almost fell asleep while her face was being painted.  

Sweet face.

Noli and her handsome Daddy.

Combover Magillicuddy and his daddy.

Seriously.  What is going on with his hair?  Can someone please cut it?

Good grief.  Hair disaster.

Have you ever seen a more beautiful princess?  I totally want to paint eyelashes onto my face now.

Horse.  Smelled pretty good.

Did I mention that half of this place is a WATER PARK?  So cool.  And it caters to smaller kids.  I know.  You're jealous. Phx would still be there if we hadn't dragged him out.  Also, his suit is a size 3 to fit around his girth.  He looks a little like a cholo.

Noli's new swimsuit.  "so, my new swimsuit is a t shirt and panties?"

Didn't even make it to the car before falling asleep.  

I thought she was going to strangle me for taking end of the day pics.  I can relate.  As you can see, there are ZERO pics of me.  Not a mistake.

So.  That was dutch wonderland.  There was also a handfull of chaos, snacks, and chaos.  

And because I've been singing this song since the moment Jordan told me the name of our destination...

Enjoy.

Craft Time Monopolizer

Ok.  So I've made a few things recently and I've been making an effort to sit down and have craft time with my kids.  Even though P is a total craft time ruiner, I still like to give it a shot because he loves it, it kills time, and it's not stupid TV. - Oh, and it's good for their brains.  I read that somewhere.

However, what I'm realizing is that every craft time is really mostly just for me.  I know.  It's terrible, but true.  I get out the paint and a bunch of canvas paper and make special paints and the entire time, all I can think of is what amazing thing I'M going to make.  SO AMAZING GUYS.

I'm trying to start a sewing project but this week has been hell on wheels and sewing requires more focus than I have to offer.  I have started some finger puppets as a gift for a friend's sweet little boy that I've been promising something for.  Hopefully I will put up some pics soon.  We shall see.  In the meantime, check out the amazing things I have my kids have been making!


Ok.  So, I was reading about different paints and this is just their regular finger paint with karo syrup added in to make it shiny.  If you decide to do this, be forwarned, it is incredibly sticky.  Fine for Noli, not as great for The Animal.  It needs to be kinda thick to make it shiny and it helps if you throw some glitter on parts of it - like we did.

The Animal is a violent painter.  Everyone of his paintings has a hole in it and takes days to dry.  But he LOVES painting.

This is Noli's.  As far as she's concerned, yellow is the ONLY color.  

This is just something I saw on pinterest and copied.  I thought/hoped my giant man hands would look more feminine with a floral print. At least I tried. Not sure why the top of J's middle finger is cut off.  It doesn't look that way on the real deal.  

Paper towel butterflies!  Easiest thing ever.  Ingredients: folded paper towels (preferably solid white), food coloring, water, bowls,  pipe cleaners, and googly eyes are optional, but they are never optional for us.  we love googly eyes. This is the tutorial that I used:  http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2011/06/kid-craft-project-paper-towel-butterflies.html

She was proud.  We hung them up in a huge window to attract REAL butterflies. So far, it did not work. It's got to be the googly eyes scaring them away. I'm sure of it.

I can't figure out how to turn this the right way, but this was my craft as my kids were painting.  It's our family.  We are not a family of mutants, we do have mouths.  I just haven't glued them on yet.

working on my project WAY after the kids deserted craft time.  JERKS!

We listen to kids music a lot (unfortunately).  This is "The Fresh Beat Band" station on Pandora.  It has gems such as this on there.  Don't think I didn't dance like a crazed person to this song...because I did.   Miley Cyrus or Kids Bop...which is worse?  Tough.  Real tough call. Talk amongst yourselves.

Last thing: a summary of the last 24 hours includes the following: phoenix painting his face with a shade of nail polish that I would call "almost black".  Yes.  That's what he chose.  And then today, Noli painted her face with markers - a BROWN marker, no less, so she just looks like she has a hobo beard. And then, a few hours later, she looked like a hobo trannie by adding a lovely red marker lipstick.  And while she was putting on said lipstick, I was crawling all over my house picking up nails.  That's right, my son found a HUGE ziplock full of tiny nails and scattered them throughout the house like he was a flower girl (know how they throw the flowers everywhere?).  I can't even begin to go into the rest of the chaotic day - let's just say that at the end of the day, I cried to the pizza guy.  I don't know how you single momma's do it.  I've only been alone a couple evenings and it's darn near impossible.

I'm kind of proud of her lipstick application.  Looks pretty good...for a hobo trannie.

Well, I'll be.  2 posts in 1 day.

Phoenix's favorite phrase is "he hit me".  He says it when other people get hurt, when he gets hurt, if he is hit and also, when no one has hit him.  It's kind of an adventure.  Sometimes we believe him and try to find the person who hit him, but usually, it's a lie.  My son is a liar.  I fear the future.

"he hit me"

Once upon a time, I was a sometimes blogger, after baby #2, I became a zerotimes blogger.  I loved it and some people seemed to like what I said (let's face it, it's mostly family, but I'll take what I can get).  Anyhoozle, baby #2 is now 2yrs old and slightly entertained by TV which means MAYBE I can sit down on the computer for 2 seconds without fearing for his life or his sister's life.

So, little catch up from the last blog... my little beauty, Magnolia, is now 4 and my little terror, Phoenix, is now 2.  They like candy and almost breaking their extremities off every second of every day.  So that sums up my kids - and every other kid on earth.  

So I guess I'm kind of redefining my blog as a mom, a seamstress, a somewhat crafty and definitely creative weirdo, and an all around genius.  Probably less of the last part, but I heard that confidence gets the ladies.  I'm not really into ladies but confidence is still good, right?

The craftish side of this blog is just kind of letting people know about my current projects and I will definitely link the tutorials or patterns that I'm using.  Free tutorials are definitely my go to.  I bet you can't guess why. . .(they're free.)  So for those of you who wistfully look at Noli's easter dresses and say "i wish I could sew".  I'm here to tell you DO IT!  You ding dong dang can.  I promise.  I never saw anyone use a sewing machine before I had my own.  I'd never heard of a bobbin and the thought of a needle jabbing fabric over and over looked like an accident waiting to happen. - I've only been stabbed a couple times and it was wonderful.  The cup is half full you guys.

I'm starting a couple sewing projects this week (yeah, a couple, which means I might never finish either one) and I'll try to post some pics as I'm moving along and definitely post links to the tutorials or patterns that I'm using.  AND, I'll be talking about my lovely and very entertaining kids as I try to maintain my sanity and also attempt to recover a little of my pre-mom self while still being a stay at home mom.

This seems like an awfully informative and strange blog post.  AND I'M TOTALLY ROLLING WITH IT.